


Three Strikes You're Out

by Ink_stained_quills



Series: Hanamaki Disease: Disturbing the peace of volleyball teams everywhere [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Established Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Established Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Established Relationship, Hanahaki Disease, Light Angst, M/M, Messing With Shiratorizawa, Shrek is Love Shrek is Life, hanamaki disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23304568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ink_stained_quills/pseuds/Ink_stained_quills
Summary: Seijoh loses to Karsuno, but Hanamaki still wants to do SOMETHING to Shiratorizawa.  (Third installment in the series.  Background info:  Hanamaki has the power to know when people are crushing, and is forced to "eyy" accordingly.)
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Hanamaki Disease: Disturbing the peace of volleyball teams everywhere [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604839
Comments: 53
Kudos: 557





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Song: mischevious function (english cover) by JubyPhonic
> 
> This'll be the last one! Lil bit depressing for a bit but uh

“I,” Matsukawa begins, then wheezes. “Hanamaki, I have to tell you something.”

“Anything, my dear Matsun,” Hanamaki whispers, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I… must confess… my greatest shame…”

Hanamaki cradles his head. “It won’t come between us at a time like this.”

“I… told a dad joke… and Iwaizumi appreciated my humour.” Matsukawa finally admits, letting out a defeated exhale.

“No!” Hanamaki cries, shaking his boyfriend. “Matsun! Not like this! Noooooooo!”

“What the hell are you two doing?” Oikawa stands at the edge of their gym, staring.

“And why is me understanding one of your jokes so terrible?” Iwaizumi complains. “It was a good one.”

Shaking his head, their team captain steps into the gym and starts setting up a net. “Iwa-chan, it was a dad joke. There are no ‘good ones’, only marginally less awful ones.”

“Shittykawa, your brand of comedy is calling people dumb nicknames and hoping it grows on them.”

“Get to practice, Iwaizumi-san,” Oikawa orders with a straight face, and the gym goes silent.

“What the fuck?” Yahaba whispers, causing Kyoutani to jolt backwards (the setter never swore in public). “What is happening?”

Kunimi steps forward and shakes his head disapprovingly. “Hanamaki-san, Matsukawa-san, you’re scaring Kindaichi. For that matter, so are you, Oikawa-san.” Kindaichi has his hands over his face in the corner next to Watari, who’s attempting to soothe him.

Iwaizumi stands stock still, an expression of shock and slight betrayal cast over his face, and Hanamaki shrugs. “Matsukawa tripped, so I came over to make everyone think we were chilling.”

“Vibe check!” Matsukawa announces, rising from the grave, and slaps Iwaizumi’s back. The vice captain stiffens, then shakes himself out of the surprise. Oikawa’s rounding everyone up to run laps, while their coach closes his eyes as if it would take Atlas to open them again.

“‘Iwaizumi-san’,” murmurs Hanamaki. “Crazy.”

“Hey, how’re your powers doing today?” Matsukawa jokes, elbowing him lightly as they jog a few laps. It’s become something of a daily check-in, what with all the repetition of a supposedly one time thing. Apparently, Hanamaki has ‘stronger spiritual presence’, which led to the two of them (and sometimes Iwaizumi and Oikawa, though Oikawa’s shockingly squeamish when it comes to anything gory or horrifying that isn’t alien related) watching horror flicks.

Hanamaki presses his lips together. “Haven’t been acting up so far.” Of course, that’s not a given. His powers might be activated through strong emotion, so… the stress of their upcoming last tournament might bring on a ‘relapse’ of sorts.

“Let’s give it our all, people!” Oikawa is yelling from the head of the pack, possibly holding onto the position simply because most of the group had started running a half lap behind him.

Give it our all, Hanamaki thinks to himself. We’ve got this. 

There’s no other choice but to have this.

~~~

They lose.

~~~

“Not playing matchmaker today, Hanamaki-san?” Watari asks tiredly, the day after the fight of nationals.

Hanamaki laughs, a dry croaking sound from a throat watered by tears. He clears his throat in an attempt to sound more normal and waves it off. “Ah, no. There’s… I’m not in the mood.”

Painfully, he remembers how he’d set up Karsuno’s players. If he hadn’t done that, hadn’t strengthened pre existing connections, would they have scored one more point? Used the momentum to carry them to victory, to Shiratorizawa - Yahaba glances around the dispirited gym and wonders, “Hey, where’s Matsukawa?”

~~~

So Hanamaki goes outside.

There he is, sitting against the wall, letting tears stream down his face before he enters the gymnasium and focuses on comforting instead of being comforted. Hanamaki knows this, knows it’s the case because it’s what he’d done that morning at home, before swiping at his eyes and setting off. He sidles over and leans on the wall.

“I fell for you because of your smile.” Hanamaki slides down the wall to sit next to Matsukawa, leans their shoulders together as if they can share the burden of loss. “But that doesn’t mean you have to smile all the time, you know?”

“I’m a hot mess,” Matsukawa tells him, smiling through the tears.

Hanamaki pokes his cheek. “At least you’re hot?”

“As hot as Shrek?”

Pretending to consider this, Hanamaki tilts his head to the side. “He might have you beat, but it’s a hard bar to cross.”

“I just wanted to beat Shiratorizawa.” Matsukawa explains, sighing. “Just once, so we could tell them ‘You should’ve gone to Seijoh,’ or something.”

“I mean.” Hanamaki pauses. “We can still mess with them, as long as nobody gets injured. Right?”

Matsukawa looks at him. Smirks. Wipes his tears away and enters the gym, pulling Hanamaki with him. “Team bonding. What do you have in mind?”

~~~

What Hanamaki has in mind turns out to be psychological warfare. Because that’s what he’s best at now? At any rate, the team is more than willing to sacrifice a Saturday in order to screw with Ushijima and... the rest of them. Who can remember names. No one. Maybe someone, somewhere, can remember who the rest of Shiratorizawa is but - 

Oikawa interrupts this rant with a “Reon Ōhira, vice captain, Satori Tendou, middle blocker, Yunohama, pinch server -”

“Shut up, you actual textbook of a human being.” Hanamaki sticks his tongue out at the captain, who has far too much space in his head for volleyball considering he gets excellent grades.

“Anyway,” Iwaizumi steers them back on track, “are we going or not?”

“Oh, we’re going.” Oikawa says with an evil smile. “Iwaizumi-san, get the bus.”

Iwaizumi looks pleadingly at the other players, as if hoping someone else will ask Oikawa to go back to the nickname, but no one seems to be willing to brave it. Oikawa himself shows no signs of reverting back any time soon. Accepting a temporary defeat, Iwaizumi turns away.

“That is a broken man,” Matsukawa sighs, shaking his head.

Hanamaki puts a hand on his hip. “It’s always a shame to see the proud ones fall.”

Kyoutani looks over at Iwaizumi’s retreating form, then shuffles his feet as if thinking about something. Yahaba notices, hissing, “No. Do not take advantage of this. This is not the way you want to win, is it?”

“I wasn’t going to do anything!” Kyoutani protests. “Just… debating. One arm wrestle -”

“Get on the bus, you two.” Smiling slightly dangerously, Watari shepherds everyone out the gym doors.

They go, because heaven help the fool that crosses Watari - he will kill you. And he will do it Extremely Politely. Hanamaki just kind of tries to stay out of his way, you know? It’s the sane thing to do.

~~~

On the bus, they play “Bubblegum Bitch”, try to convince Yahaba to sing the entire song including swear words, and are utterly defeated by the setter convincing Kyoutani to find an app that makes “bleep” noises. He is spared, Hanamaki decides, but only for now. Besides, they’re at Shiratorizawa now.

“We should deface their sign.”

“That’s not polite,” Watari scolds, then pauses. “Wait, what did you want to change it to?”

Kunimi smiles slightly. The tiny smirk contains more evil than Satan himself, and Matsukawa leans in to murmur “Why are our kohai so scary?”

“If they don’t like it, they shouldn’t have done something so stupid as naming their school Shiratorizawa.” Kunimi fires back, settling into his seat as if about to go back to sleep. “‘Shit’ is quite literally in the name.”

“Cursing?” Yahaba gasps. “So vulgar, I expected better from you -”

Rolling his eyes, Kyoutani reties his sweatshirt around his waist. “Shut the hell up, Yahaba, we all heard you earlier.” Yahaba bemoans the day he met Kyoutani while Seijoh files out of the bus.

“So we’re going to do what, exactly?” Kindaichi asks.

“Well, my little turnip headed friend -” Kindaichi scowls as Hanamaki continues, “- we’re going to make them think they’re haunted.”

“How?” Iwaizumi prods, looking around for any teachers that might stop them.

~~~

An hour later, duct tape stores depleted and giddy, the team rushes out of the gym and onto the bus. “This is going to be so fricking funny!” Yahaba yelps, laughing and flopping into a seat beside Watari. Kyoutani shakes his head and mouths something like “You’re fooling no one but yourself.”

They leave the school complex and gather around a tablet, nestled in Oikawa’s arms “Because captain privileges!”

Iwaizumi had retorted “No, it’s because you’re blind as a bat and your contacts are drying out.”

“How silly of me, Iwaizumi-san!” Oikawa hummed, paralyzing Iwaizumi until the video began.

Now the group was watching Shiratorizawa stare ominously at notes left in their locker. Kunimi looks up at the pink haired boy, eyebrows raising as if impressed. “How’d you know all this, Hanamaki?”

“I mean…” Hanamaki thinks back, picturing how it would look if a helpful montage flashed across the screen just now.

Image 1: Hanamaki walks to get water after a practice match and catches Ushijima making out with Tendou. He backs away and swears never to speak of it again.

Image 2: Uncontrollable “eyy”ing around several of the other team members in various scenarios.

Images 3-10: Random occurrences that are clearly blackmail material.

“Oh, you know.” Hanamaki halts, deliberates. “Magical powers.” This explanation is accepted. Matsukawa (to whom nearly all secrets are told, he probably stores them in his eyebrows) betrays nothing but a twitch of his mouth.

Shiratorizawa has been given a few special presents, otherwise known as sheets of paper with far too much information on them. Oikawa hovers his finger over a switch to the side of the tablet, then looks at the congregation. “Should I press it?”

“Go for it,” Kindaichi smiles fiercely, clearly still pissed about the loss. Then again, they all are. 

Oikawa presses the button, and the lights go out on the screen displaying the inside of their opponent’s gym. There’s screaming, a few curses, and most noticeably Tendou muttering “Kinky.”

Watari covers his mouth and snorts, making Kyoutani elbow the libero and Yahaba in their sides. “See? Manners come second, behind revenge.”

“Just because you have no manners doesn’t mean the rest of us shouldn’t,” Yahaba sniffs primly, then wheezes a laugh as Shirabu trips and falls on his face.

“Now the creepy noises, creepy noises!” Matsukawa orders, and Oikawa happily complies.

Hanamaki kisses Matsukawa against the background of Shiratorizawa losing their minds, and thinks that it’s possibly one of the greatest moments of his life.

Iwaizumi rests his head on Oikawa’s for a brief moment, hanging over the seat, before the captain gives him a cool stare. “Iwaizumi-san, please don’t mess up the hair.”

“Tooru, please, don’t do this!” Iwaizumi howls, and Oikawa erupts into laughter.

“Iwa-chan, sorry, don’t - please don’t jump out the bus window, the bus is IN MOTION, IWA-CHAN!”


	2. Shiratorevenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but it exists! Clearly my last note of "this is the last one, it's been an honor flying with you boys" was untrue... who knows how long this series will go on for!! But I'm so here for it!!
> 
> I like how I can update this series whenever? This way I don't get burned out

“Revenge,” Tendou begins, “is a dish best served cold.”

“No dish is best served cold.” Ushijima frowns, lost in thought. “If it’s not cold already, food should be consumed at slightly above room temperature.”

Tendou holds up a hand. “And with this dish! We shall serve Seijoh what they deserve!”

“... senpai, I think the metaphor is getting away from you a bit.” Shirabu points out, practically seeing visions of Shiratorizawa’s volleyball team in waiter’s outfits. Tendou considers this for a moment while Shirabu unhappily changes his mental image to maid uniforms.

“All the same, we shan’t sit here and let these hooligans defeat us!” he concludes.

“Don’t we have to prepare for our upcoming match against Karasuno?” Semi mentions, glancing at their coach.

Ushijima’s stoic face never changes. “This is true.”

“Wakatoshiiiiiiiii!” Draping himself over Ushijima’s back, Tendou makes puppy eyes at the rest of the team.

“How does he manage to be such a menace,” Shirabu murmurs, “and yet those still work?”

Goshiki flinches away from the middle blocker, averting his eyes. “Well, not on Ushijima-senpai, right?”

“Are you kidding?” Semi snorts. “They’re already out the door!”

“Damn it -” their coach cries, jolting upright on the bench. The other Shiratorizawa players hurry to follow their captain (and escape their coach’s wrath). “This is the third time this month!”

~~~

“What’s happening?” Hanamaki hisses at Oikawa, who’s visibly vibrating with fury. “Why are they here?”

Matsukawa swings around to drape his arms over their shoulders. “You don’t think they found out about the Thing, do you?”

“Impossible,” sniffs Oikawa, “we were very careful when doing the Thing.”

Yahaba sidles up to them, suspicious. “Are you talking about what we did last week?”

“Uh,” Iwaizumi says, “Yes.”

Hanamaki and Matsukawa burst out laughing. “Aww,” Matsukawa croons, “Is Iwa-chan ashamed of having done the Thing?”

“He has to preserve his image in front of his kohai?” Hanamaki sings, cackling enough to draw the rest of Seijoh’s attention.

“To be fair, we were bitter first years!” Iwaizumi protests. “Our upperclassmen were egging us on, and it was mostly their fault -”

“I thought we agreed to never mention the Thing with other people around?” Oikawa reminds them through clenched teeth. “Especially not THEM?”

They all shift to look at the Shiratorizawa players, most of whom are varying degrees of uncomfortable. Tendou and Ushijima are the only exceptions, Ushijima because he “has no emotion, Makki, c’mon” and Tendou because he’s “literally insane. Would not want to meet him on the street. 6/10”.

“If they were going to pull something, wouldn’t they have done it some other time?” Watari points out.

“We are all in the gym right now, watching them like hawks,” muses Kindaichi.

Kyoutani rolls his eyes. “... they’re watching us watch them like hawks.”

Seijoh’s esteemed volleyball team does a collective double take and reminds themselves that the Shiratorizawa players can, in fact, see them. Goshiki waves haplessly. 

“What do you want!” Oikawa calls over at length, spinning a volleyball on his finger as he crosses to the other team.

“We would like to conduct a practice match,” Ushijima responds.

“Well~,” Seijoh’s captain sings back, “Did you schedule it?”

Ushijima confers with Tendou before turning back and admitting: “... evidently not.”

“Then we don’t have to do anything!” Oikawa informs them, smirking. “Unless.”

“Unless what?” Tendou pops up over Ushijima’s shoulder.

“Unless they clean our gym!” Hanamaki shouts.

Matsukawa leans forward, cupping the hand not draped over Hanamaki’s shoulder to call “Unless they lick our boots!”

“Unless,” Iwaizumi tells Oikawa, “Ushijima stops telling you that you shouldn’t have gone to Shiratorizawa.”

The setter’s eyes light up. “Well,” he says brightly, “guess you should’ve come to Seijoh if you wanted to play us!”

Hanamaki almost starts crying at the look on Ushijima’s usually expressionless face. “Do you want some ice for those burns?”

“I don’t have any bu-” Tendou cuts Ushijima off to yell “Can we play now?”, and Oikawa gives a grudging nod. He walks back to his team, ‘cool captain’ facade slipping as he tries to resist screeching with joy.

“It’s an expression, ‘Toshi,” Tendou whispers to his captain as they set up the game.

~~~

One set later, Hanamaki has “eyy”-d so many times he’s lost count. It’s like yawning, but more distressing for their opponents, who are dropping plays in confusion.

“Is that allowed?” Semi ventures, glaring at Hanamaki. He shrugs.

Altogether, Seijoh yells “It’s a medical condition!”

“When a player is making annoying noises…” Tendou mumbles under his breath. “Sikniss.”

“A fellow memer?” Matsukawa sidles over to the net.

Hanamaki chants “One of us, one of us, one of - aaand we’re still playing!”

“Surprised pikachu face.” Tendou rises to block the ball, and the meme team grin the grins of those who have found a kinsman.

Semi stops, stock still, on the court. His teammates turn to him in abject horror as the ball soars past him. “Oh my god. He’s THAT Hanamaki.”

“Oh, look,” Hanamaki simpers, “I’m famous.”

“He’s basically a sexual tension detector!” Semi announces to his team.

Tendou tilts his head. “Yeah, duh.”

“What do you mean, duh?” Semi asks, exasperated. “This has been messing us up the whole set!”

“We have no one but ourselves to blame when we falter.” Ushijima tells them, tone commanding.

“Yeah, don’t go blaming our precious little Makki!” Oikawa sticks his tongue out. “You just suck.”

“I’ve heard about this, he works through eye contact…” Semi begins puzzling it out, which is when Oikawa takes the opportunity to serve and score on them. Because the game is still in session. Duh.

“I can tell when there’s sexual tension too, I don’t need any magical powers,” Tendou cheerily tells Semi.

It’s another minute of playing and people avoiding each other’s eyes until Seijoh wins the first set, amidst much cheering. Ushijima takes his teammates and pulls them to the sidelines, staring into their souls for a long moment. Tendou finger guns at him.

“Why should this affect our game?” he says at last, and it’s like the gravity off the room shifts. “You may feel things off the court that impact you, but the moment you step into this gym you are no longer a slave to anything but our sport. We are here to play volleyball, and that is what we shall do.”

“That’s pretty hot,” Tendou mutters, and Ushijima waves everyone back onto the court exasperatedly.

For the second set, it goes much the same as the first - however, it appears Shiratorizawa is attempting to make more eye contact than normal. Nevertheless, Hanamaki goes up to serve - two players look at each other across the net, and he “eyy”s uncontrollably right as he hits the ball. It soars into an easily accessible spot, and Shiratorizawa returns it for a point.

“Ooooooohhhh,” Hanamaki groans, “my own power… turned against me… the one thing I thought I could count on…”

“Did our wedding vows mean nothing to you?” Matsukawa responds in kind, snarking as they attempt to come up with a plan.

“Not since you cheated on me with Vector from Despicable Me.”

“It was all physical! I didn’t love him!”

“You say that now,” Hanamaki sniffs, “but I know the truth.”

“... Makki,” Oikawa suggests guiltily, “I think -”

“I’ll be more help if I sit out this one?” Hanamaki saluts and steps over to the bench. “I know. At least I can properly heckle.”

Freed from having to play and monitor his power at the same time, Hanamaki “eyy”s his way through the second set. Shiratorizawa wins it, but right as they’re about to start the third set -

“Shiratorizawa.”

The purple-clad players stiffen in fear and horror, turning to a face a wizened old man. “Get onto the bus. Now.”

“But coach,” Shirabu pleads, “We’re just about to -”

“Bus. Now.”

“Yes, coach.”

“Psst, strawberry hair-kun and eyebrows-kun,” Tendou hisses, “Give me your phone numbers.” Hanamaki looks at Matsukawa, then smirks. They program their numbers into his phone, and he creates a group chat. “Excellent!”

“Tendou!”

“And now, farewell!” The middle blocker bounds over to the door and leaves, Oikawa gaping as he goes.

“Did you - I can’t believe - delete his number immediately!” Oikawa sputters, swiping at their phones. 

“Never!” Hanamaki declares. He checks his phone as a ping! comes over.

New message from: TENDOU on [Meme Dreme Teme]  
image: Ushijima tending a flower like it’s the highlight of his day. He’s wearing a sunhat and clutching a pink handled trowel.

“Okay, fine,” Oikawa huffs, “he can stay for now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments n kudos spur me to continue! Thanks for reading

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: socially-acceptable-username


End file.
